i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
do nipples grow back?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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