It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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