she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
