I think im going to throw up on grandma
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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