the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
