She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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