You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
