Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
why do cheetos always look like penises
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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