hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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