When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
