I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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