take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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