im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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