You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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