I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
