google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
