This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
