i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
