u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
