You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
