I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
