she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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