my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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