Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
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