woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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