I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
