My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I wish i was in the wii world.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize