Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
