I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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