My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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