i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
