Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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