Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
