she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
