I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
