love makes seman taste better
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
