I wish my penis had an off switch
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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