I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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