You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
