Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
