Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
