I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
