I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
