If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
