Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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