I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
