He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
