hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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