Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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