this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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