all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize