I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize