I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
