I cannot find my penis.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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