i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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