We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
