I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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