so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
