We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
