so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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