omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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