She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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