When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize