It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Come share oat with me in your robe
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
