Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
