maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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