Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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