Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
