I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
