You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
