Her vagina should come with caution tape.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
