i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
