i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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