There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
