A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
