I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
