It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
