I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
operation harelip BJ is a go
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
