Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
