Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
