he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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