Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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