He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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