Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
