Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I don't deserve a penis
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize