Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
