She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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