I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
