were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
