obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
