Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize