Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Oh god it's open bar.
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