You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
