and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
