She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
