We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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