eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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