I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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