the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
