it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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