lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
