fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Randomize
