Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
