When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
