Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
