Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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