I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
